


Parisian Echoes

by velocitygrass



Category: Stargate Atlantis RPS
Genre: Alternate Universe, M/M, Partner Betrayal
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-29
Updated: 2012-10-29
Packaged: 2017-11-17 08:08:28
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,317
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/549414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Joe never quite forgot the day he spent having sex with a young Canadian back in Paris, but it still takes a photo for him to recognize his co-star as that young man. The pleasurable memories of that day resurface, and when his wife explicitly tells him she doesn't mind, Joe sees no reason not to recreate some of the memories with David. It's only after some time that Joe realizes that he's breaking one particular rule of his wife: Don't fall in love.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Parisian Echoes

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [A Saturday in Paris](https://archiveofourown.org/works/549405) by [velocitygrass](https://archiveofourown.org/users/velocitygrass/pseuds/velocitygrass). 



> Make sure to check out the [absolutely gorgeous art](http://kay-greatness.livejournal.com/12334.html) by kay_greatness!
> 
> Written for RPF Big Bang 2012. This is a sequel to my 2009 RPF Big Bang, [A Saturday in Paris](http://archiveofourown.org/works/549405), though it ignores the epilogue and instead assumes that Joe and David didn't meet again until starting to work on Stargate Atlantis.
> 
> This is entirely a work of fiction.

Joe knew that something was up when he heard Torri laugh and David giving an insufferable sigh.

"They're nothing to be ashamed of," Torri told David as Joe approached them. She was waving sheets of paper in her hand. They seemed to contain pictures.

"I'm not ashamed," David said. "I just question if it's absolutely necessary that the whole cast and crew needs to be subjected to a view of my _ass_."

Joe's eyebrows shot up, and he snatched one of the copies from Torri's hands. "Your ass, huh? You sure that would fit on letter size?" Joe joked before even really seeing the photos.

David turned to Torri with a mixture of resignation and annoyance on his face. "Chances are I'll hear these kinds of jokes for at least a week. Thanks so much, Torri," he said dryly.

"You're welcome," she said with a grin. "Come on. It's a very nice ass."

"It really is," Joe agreed. He had no idea what the context was for David dressing up as Cupid, but it gave a damn fine view of his assets when he was younger. Joe's gaze moved up from the round cheeks of David's ass to his face to get a feel for how old this shot was when he had a sudden feeling of déjà-vu. Instead of a fleeting moment, his whole body vibrated with the knowledge that something was making its way to the surface of his memories.

That ass, and that face, not quite those ridiculous locks, but longer hair, and...make-up. There'd been make-up that had been smeared around his lips after they'd kissed. And there'd been sex, there'd been—

Joe's face snapped up to stare at David. This couldn't be. But one look at David told him that it could be. That it was. The bittersweet "so you finally recognized me" was written all over his expressive face.

Jesus Christ.

David was...David. The guy he'd spent a day having sex with while he'd studied in Paris. The guy who'd left while Joe had been resting, leaving only a note to thank Joe for showing him Paris. The guy whom Joe had never quite gotten out of his head.

The memories of that day came to Joe in a jumbled mess. The passion, the awkwardness, the way their encounter had made Joe question what his future would be like.

Suddenly it occurred to him that David could have said something after they'd met again. Certainly after it became clear that Joe hadn't recognized him.

Joe was still flabbergasted that for the last months he'd worked right beside the guy who'd given him one of the most memorable experiences—sexual or otherwise—in his life, without realizing it. So he just stood and stared.

"Everything okay, Joe?" Torri asked, looking slightly concerned but also curious.

"Yeah, I'm fine," Joe said, finally finding his voice.

Before he could think about what to say to David, they were called back to work. So Joe only gave him a look of incredulity, which finally earned him a half-grin from David. 

Wow. Just wow.

~~

By the time Joe got to his hotel room, he was able to think more rationally about the whole thing.

Sure, David could have pulled him aside at one point and said, "And by the way, remember that time you picked up a barely legal tourist in a Parisian café and proceeded to fuck his brains out. That was me." But it had been over fifteen years, and there was no way for David to know if Joe considered it a youthful regret.

It could have made things awkward between them, so Joe got why David hadn't said anything. Even though whatever fears might have driven him were unfounded.

Joe considered for a moment that _David_ might be regretting that day, but quickly dismissed it again. If nothing else, the grin that he'd given to Joe before they'd gone back to shooting had been a bit smug.

They hadn't had any time to chat alone today after the Revelation (Joe though of it in capital letters), but they would in the future, and maybe David would even tease him about the fact that Joe hadn't recognized him for months. Joe certainly wouldn't miss the chance.

He thought of the cherry-flavored condom, the make-up, David's horrible French. That wasn't even about the sex they'd had. Joe had been the first guy who'd fucked him. Honestly, that alone was worth weeks if not years of innuendo.

Joe got ready for bed early and lay down, thinking about that day in Paris.

There'd been something magical about that day. He'd forgotten details over the years, like apparently David's face—which now that he had an image to compare wasn't so different from the slightly older version—but the intensity of the sex, the raw want and satisfaction had always been with him in the years after.

When he'd started working as an actor, Joe had wondered if he might run into David some day on set, but over time he'd realized the chances were slim. He hadn't even been sure if David had actually ended up as an actor or if life had taken him elsewhere. So the memories of that day had taken on an almost mythical feeling.

Though it had been real. It had been real and fantastic, and as Joe thought about the ways they'd touched each other, fucked each other, he got hard.

He opened the drawer of his nightstand to get out some lube. Even years after it happened, that day in Paris had sporadically fueled his masturbatory fantasies. But after this day, there was no way that Joe wouldn't jerk off recalling those few hours.

He got some lube on his hand and slowly stroked up and down his cock.

David had done that too, exploring Joe's dick like it had been the first time though Joe vaguely recalled that it hadn't. Joe remembered the nasty artificial taste of cherry when he'd kissed David afterwards. His come had been so much better.

Joe flushed thinking about how hungry he'd been for it. He'd probably begged for it. He remembered that feeling of needing to suck him, of getting a bit of that taste.

Teasing his nipples, Joe sped up the movement of his hand on his dick. David had been so tight. Joe had no idea how he'd managed to hold on long enough to blow him first. Then again, it had probably helped that he'd already come several times by then.

Joe tightened the grip on his dick, remembering what it felt like to push into David's virginal ass. It had been so good. And David had loved it. He'd called out Joe's name. Joe honestly couldn't remember if it had been when he'd fucked him, but he distinctly recalled David chanting his name, over and over, completely out of control.

God, it had been so hot. They'd been insatiable. Fucking like there was no tomorrow.

And in a way there hadn't been. Not for them. Joe tried not to think of the feeling of regret when he'd found David's note without a last name or address or any other way to contact him.

Remember the fucking, Joe told himself, because this wasn't about the years in between. He conjured up the image of David beneath him, those big blue eyes. How on Earth could he have not recognized them? Those eyes and that mouth.

Joe jacked himself off in fast hard strokes, thinking about David's face. By the end of the afternoon, the make-up had been gone. He'd been amazing, trusting Joe to be the first guy to fuck him. Joe wondered how many other guys had followed.

Without consciously doing so, Joe suddenly envisioned David's face as he knew it now, a bit filled out, with less hair, but that same mouth and eyes. He imagined what he'd look like, lips parted in a face slack with arousal. Blue eyes peeking through half-closed lids. Calling out his name as Joe fucked him.

Joe's hips lifted as he pushed up into his hand, spurting jet after jet of come all over his chest.

He settled back down on the bed, panting loudly. Memories of hearing David's rapid heart-beat flooded him. Hands around him. And a whispered voice of wonder.

Joe couldn't recall what David had said exactly. But he remembered what it had meant. He remembered that David would never forget this moment.

Just like Joe hadn't.

~~

Joe just couldn't stop thinking about the fact that after so many years he'd not only "found" the guy from all those years ago, but that it was someone he spent so much time with.

It still seemed incredible.

They didn't share any scenes that day and only bumped into each other in the morning, but it didn't keep Joe from thinking about it all day. He still thought about it on his flight to his family, and when he finally arrived home, he was glad that he finally could tell someone about the extraordinary thing that had happened.

"Do you remember that day in Paris I told you about?" Joe asked his wife as soon as they had a moment alone.

"There were a few," Katherine said.

"The day where I met a young Canadian in a café and we spent all day fucking. _That_ day," Joe clarified.

"Oh. Yeah, sure. Why?" Katherine asked.

Joe took the folded piece of paper from the back of his jeans where he'd put it, unfolded it, and handed it to his wife.

Katherine scanned the image, frowning, until her eyebrows shot up. "David?" she asked, looking at Joe.

"Yes!" Joe said. "Isn't that amazing? I mean what are the chances?"

"Well, if he really became an actor in Canada, chances were he would have turned up on set as a guest star sooner or later," Katherine mused.

Joe gave her a look. "Come on," he said. The Canadian film and TV industry was admittedly pretty incestuous, and more often than not the guest stars were known by at least someone on the set whether cast or crew. But this still was a big coincidence that bordered on...something like fate.

Katherine ignored him and looked at the image again. "And you didn't recognize him?"

"No," Joe said, though he wondered about that. He certainly hadn't remembered David or made any connection with the guy back from that Saturday in Paris, but there'd always been a certain undefinable something between them. Joe wouldn't have called it attraction. It was more...familiarity. The kind that you sometimes had with people that you never met before. Joe had thought that they'd simply hit it off particularly well, but maybe on some subconscious level, he'd recognized him after all.

"Really?" Katherine asked, still scrutinizing the image. "It's been a few months. And he doesn't look _that_ different."

Joe snatched the piece of paper away. "Well, not when you have an image to compare," he said defensively. "It's been nearly twenty years. He had longer and full hair and _make-up_."

Katherine only gave him a teasing grin. "You always made it sound like it was an unforgettable night."

"It _was_ ," Joe said. "Well, day, not night."

"Uhuh," Katherine said. "Of course, maybe it wasn't his _face_ you remembered."

"Twenty years!" Joe only said.

Katherine laughed.

~~

That night after having some wonderful finally-home-for-the-weekend sex, Katherine was reading a book while Joe's mind drifted back to David.

He still couldn't get over the fact that David—his partner in crime on the show, the Hope to his Crosby—was the young lanky Canadian future actor that Joe had sucked and rubbed and fucked and ridden.

Since his Revelation (still in capital letters) details of the day had come back to Joe.

Like the fact that David had asked him to keep on his shirt because he thought it looked hot. Or how David had wrapped himself around Joe while he'd cooked. That David had gotten up to get something—maybe a glass of water or a towel—and had given Joe a view of that spectacular back and ass like in the image that Torri had printed out.

He remembered how David had asked Joe not to coddle him and how he'd felt both protective and thrilled because he was David's first.

Joe hadn't done anything on that day that he hadn't done before with other guys, but still, something about that day had been special. Even if he couldn't put a finger on what. Joe snorted. The fact alone that he still thought about that day when most other encounters with guys—or women for that matter—had long been forgotten, was a pretty clear proof that it simply had been unforgettable.

"What are you thinking about?" Katherine asked him. She'd put down her book.

"Just that day in Paris," he said.

"Can't get over the fact that it was David?" she guessed.

"That too. But just...remembering. It was one of those days, you know. The ones that come once in a lifetime," he said.

"The best mid-day one-night-stand you ever had," she said, smiling.

"Well, we had so many hours to fuck, it seems unfair to compare it. But yes, as far as one-time encounters go, that was the most memorable one," Joe admitted.

"Except, now you have encountered him again," Katherine said.

"Right, but it doesn't really change that day," Joe said.

Katherine gave him a speculative look. "Don't you want to fuck him again?"

Joe was a bit surprised. It hadn't really occurred to him. "You wouldn't mind?"

"Same rules as always," Katherine said.

"I haven't really thought about it," Joe said truthfully.

"I wasn't _suggesting_ or anything. And I suppose you'll have to ask him how he and his girlfriend handle this sort of thing," she added.

"Of course," Joe added absent-mindedly. "You sure you wouldn't mind?"

Katherine laughed. "If I didn't trust you, I could never allow you to ever work."

Joe smiled. He was married to the best wife ever. So he pulled her into his arms and kissed her.

~~

Early on in their relationship, Katherine had established three simple rules for Joe having sex with guys.

1) "Don't fuck or be fucked without a condom"

2) "Don't do anything to threaten our relationship," also known as, "Don't fall in love"

3) "Don't tell me about it"

In short, "Don't be stupid and shut up."

The first two really went without saying. The third was a personal quirk of Katherine that he didn't fully understand because she had no problem about hearing him talk about how he'd been fucked in the past. Apparently there was a difference between, "One time a guy pushed me down on my knees and made me swallow his cock with just a look," and, "Last week, I swallowed Michael's cock like there was no tomorrow."

Not that he was complaining. He'd been relieved when Katherine hadn't batted an eyelash when he'd told her he was bi. Being allowed to actually have some cock on the side went above and beyond what he had hoped for, and he had no problem whatsoever with some sensible rules for it.

On the plane back to Vancouver, Joe couldn't help thinking about one particular cock, though.

The reason why it hadn't occurred to him that he could fuck David again was that he had his own unwritten rules about the guys he had sex with.

One was that he didn't have sex with guys he didn't know. He'd never considered answering personal ads. This didn't mean that he needed to be best friends with the guy. But he wanted to know their name, if they were in a relationship, what they did for a living. Basically, he wanted to know a guy enough to get a feeling for whether or not having sex with him could mean trouble.

On the other hand he'd never sought sex with guys in his immediate group of friends. There was a surf buddy that he saw once a year and whom he always exchanged blow jobs with. But friends whom he met more often, possibly with Katherine, were off limits in his own mind. It really was a fine line.

Most frequently his sex encounters with guys had happened during one of his acting jobs. Shooting a movie really lent itself to getting to know people pretty well pretty fast without establishing close relationships that lasted longer than the shoot.

Stargate Atlantis was something of an exception, because for the first time he had a job that was likely to last for several years. That was why he hadn't considered taking any of the joking flirts on set to another level.

And that was why he hadn't considered sleeping with David—again.

It certainly wasn't because he didn't want to. He knew that any sex they'd have now wouldn't be as it had been that day in Paris. Not only because he wasn't twenty any longer and wouldn't be able to get it up as often as he had that day, but also because in his mind the sex was probably even more glorious than it had actually been. It was half fiction at this point, but that also made it tempting to experience the raw reality again.

He didn't think he'd be disappointed. Even if it was only once and not the marathon of that day, and even if it would only be average in and of itself, David's expressive face alone would be worth it. And his hands. Joe couldn't remember David's hands from that day in particular, but they were something that Joe had noticed on set while they were shooting. If they had sex, he'd be sure to pay better attention.

And it would be nice to occasionally have sex while he was stuck here in Vancouver.

With Katherine's explicit permission, there was no good reason not to at least consider it. Playing by her rules wouldn't be a problem.

Joe had a fleeting thought about rule number two, but even if he'd be more emotionally invested in this fuck than probably any other, he wasn't going to risk his marriage. He liked David a lot. But he certainly wasn't in love with him. And fucking him wouldn't change anything.

The strange thing about the situation with David was that unlike with all the other guys he'd had sexual encounters with after meeting Katherine, Joe didn't have to gauge whether having had sex with them would change their relationship. Because he already had. No matter what he did, he'd _always_ associate David with that day in Paris. He'd know what David's voice sounded like chanting his name before he came. He'd know what it felt like to ride his cock. He'd know how he tasted when he came.

This made the decision pretty easy.

Of course, it wasn't only _his_ decision. Even if David remembered that day fondly—or smugly if Joe went by his eventual look after the Revelation (yes, still capital letters)—he didn't necessarily want to repeat the experience. Or he might want to, but his girlfriend didn't.

And Joe would be okay with that. He'd never put pressure on a guy who'd turned him down. Really, why would he? If it meant that much to him, he'd already be risking to break rule number two, and no fuck was worth his marriage.

But even if chances were that David would turn him down—because of his girlfriend if nothing else—Joe still wanted to give it a try.

The prospect of making David come again and comparing it to his memories was too tempting.

~~

Even if he definitely wanted to see if David was up to a repeat performance of at least some of the sex they'd had that day in Paris, Joe wasn't entirely sure how to approach the whole thing.

Usually when a guy had caught his attention, he simply upped the level of flirtation until the guy either dialed it down or kept up with him, at which point Joe would mention that his wife didn't mind if he occasionally had sex with guys on the side, keeping it all open and up to the guy. He was seldom turned down because those that really weren't interested, usually stopped the flirting if it became too obvious.

However, he'd already worked with David for a few months now, and though the Revelation certainly was a good reason to explain why he'd suddenly start becoming more flirtatious, he didn't want David to mistake it simply for a joke based on their past encounter.

Truthfully, bringing up their day in Paris was something that he'd do either way, which made it all the more important that he had some sort of strategy to make it clear that he was interested in more.

Joe didn't think he'd have the patience to wait for weeks to get his answer. Whether it was yes or no, he wanted to know where he stood with David and proceed from there.

On the other hand, he couldn't imagine pulling David aside and saying, "Oh, by the way, I'd like to fuck you again. My wife is down with it, how about you and your girlfriend?" At least not without getting at least a bit of a feeling for how David felt about the whole thing.

Last week they hadn't spent a lot of time together, and David had looked bittersweet at first and then kind of smug. What Joe was looking for was a more definite sign of where David stood now.

He decided to keep it subtle at first, getting a feeling for how things had changed between them after the Revelation.

There was definitely a tension between them that was more pronounced than it had been before. Again, Joe wondered if a more low key version of this hadn't been between them since they first met again. Not that it mattered. Whatever connection his brain had picked up on, it hadn't been enough to trigger his memories.

But now that he knew, that certain something swung between them, vibrating in his body whenever he was close to David or even just looked at him across the set.

And David definitely was aware of this too.

They exchanged wordless looks of acknowledgement, and Joe could have sworn that David's cheeks turned just a shade redder when it happened. They also casually touched each other.

With so much going on on set, bumping into each other or a quick touch of the hand to move someone out of the way or walk around them was a frequent occurrence, but what they did was different. It had a purpose, and when they touched, they let the moment linger.

By the end of the day, Joe was certain that even if David and Jane were monogamous without exceptions or even if David didn't sleep with guys or co-stars or male co-stars, he certainly _wanted_ to.

That night in his hotel room, he jerked off imagining what it would be like if David said yes.

And he resolved that he'd put his cards on the table the next day.

~~

Joe got his chance when they went to his trailer to do a read-through of a scene.

Once inside, he crowded David against the wall, satisfied to see him gasp. David's eyes dipped to Joe's mouth.

Joe wasn't sure if it was a subconscious thing or an invitation. He let his gaze roam over David's face. The thin lips on the distinct mouth—really, how could he have forgotten that—the blue eyes, the cheek bones, which were the same, but also the hairline which had definitely moved up.

"I know," David said resigned, dropping his gaze. "What I lost here," he pointed at his hair, "I gained here." He slapped his stomach, and gave Joe a self-deprecating look.

But Joe would have none of that. He leaned closer and whispered in David's ear, "I still want to fuck you."

David did a full body shudder at Joe's words, and Joe was tempted to lean even closer and nuzzle his temple, but now was the time to make his offer.

"Katherine doesn't mind if I screw guys on the side," he said. He was still standing close to David, but even so he could see the change in David's posture.

He'd stiffened and was barely breathing.

Joe took a step back to give David some space. Just because he was obviously still hot for Joe didn't mean he would act on those desires. "I just...wanted to put it out there. I'm not sure it's something you do, and if you and Jane have ever talked about it."

David's mouth opened, but he just stared at Joe. Joe wasn't sure how to interpret the look.

"If you need to think about it, or talk to Jane..." he threw out there.

David nodded.

"You'll think about it?" Joe asked, hopeful. Thinking about it meant it wasn't a rejection. It meant there was still a chance he'd say yes.

"Yeah," David said, swallowing.

"Great," Joe said, smiling. "We should get to the scene. They made some last-minute changes again."

David nodded. "Yeah, good idea."

He still seemed shaken by Joe's offer, but as soon as they started reading their parts, he became Rodney McKay, and Joe had to concentrate on becoming John Sheppard, who hadn't slept with a young Rodney in Paris, and who could probably concentrate on things other than fucking McKay.

~~

Joe had a bit of a hard time containing himself the next days. He wasn't going to put any pressure on David. If he honestly hadn't ever brought this up with Jane, it was something of a risk if she took it the wrong way.

Katherine had been the one in their relationship who'd asked him if he sometimes missed being with guys before telling him that she wouldn't mind if he could stick to the rules.

Joe knew that every couple handled this differently. And acting—and other parts of movie or TV productions for that matter—which sometimes took you away from home for several weeks on end, had its own challenges. He knew a fair share of people in the business who had a "What happens on set, stays on set" kind of deal with their partners.

But he couldn't know how things were between David and Jane. They still seemed to be in the honeymoon phase from everything that Joe could see. He certainly didn't want to come between them. Rule number two really went both ways with him.

There'd been one acquaintance that he'd casually fucked every now and then, but when he got the feeling that the guy wanted more he'd ended it. Even though the guy had insisted that he was cool with casual, Joe was pretty sure that he was developing real feelings for Joe, and Joe didn't want to do that to anyone. The guy deserved more than the occasional fuck with someone who wasn't invested in the relationship and didn't intend to ever leave his wife.

By the time he flew home that weekend, Joe still hadn't gotten an answer from David.

Katherine didn't ask, which was keeping with her general stance of "don't want to know". Joe didn't bring it up either, because he respected her feelings on this and it would be selfish of him to expect sympathy from her in this on top of everything else she did for him.

The tension was back as strong as ever when he saw David again on Monday.

They flirted and teased each other, and sometimes David gave Joe a look that seemed to say, "I'm sorry. I haven't forgotten."

On Wednesday, David suggested that he go home with Joe to go through a new scene they'd gotten in the last minute. Jane had flown back to the UK the day before to visit her family.

They'd spent evenings together before, doing read-throughs of new or important scenes. So it didn't have to mean anything. But still, Joe felt on edge when they were driven to the hotel.

He wanted it so badly. He'd masturbated thinking about David every night since the Revelation, with the exception of his weekends at home which belonged to his family.

When they entered his hotel room, Joe forced himself to stay calm and not demand an answer from David.

David stopped by the door and looked at Joe. He had to know how on the edge Joe was about this. "So your wife is okay with this?" David asked eventually.

"Yeah," Joe said. His heartrate was picking up, but he tried to play it cool. "She doesn't mind if I have sex with guys if I stick to a few rules."

"Rules?" David asked.

"No fucking without condoms. No falling in love. And she doesn't want to know about it," Joe recited.

"Makes sense," David said.

Joe still couldn't read at all where he was going with this. He couldn't believe that David would have brought this up if he hadn't made a decision. But his face didn't give anything away. He did look slightly wistful, but Joe wasn't ready to give up hope. Not until David had turned him down unambiguously.

He'd deal with rejection then, but he didn't even want to consider it before.

"So you thought about it?" Joe asked, trying for casual. "Talked to Jane?" he added when David didn't immediately answer.

David swallowed and nodded.

Joe couldn't hold back any longer. He stepped up to David, forcing himself to keep a minimum of distance. "So?" he asked, well aware that it came out as a plea.

"Yeah," David said almost inaudibly.

Joe blinked. "Yes?" he asked because David sounded...not doubtful, but careful, as if he didn't quite believe it himself. "You talked to Jane?"

David nodded and stepped away, moving past Joe towards the bed.

Joe still couldn't quite believe it. He'd expected David to be all over him after the sexual tension in the last days. "Nervous?" he asked.

David shot him a look. Then he walked straight up to Joe and pulled him into deep kiss.

God, yes. This was what he'd expected. He kissed back just as hard, hungry for David after days of what could be considered foreplay—and years of remembering one perfect day.

They barely made it to the bed without tripping, hands tangling in hair and shirts, mouths clashing together again and again between whispers of their name, of "Yes", or "Please".

David's legs hit the edge of the bed first, and Joe pushed him fully on it. "What do you—"

"Fuck me," David said before Joe could even finish the question.

The demand in David's voice—it was almost an order—shot straight to Joe's dick. "Yes," he said, quickly slipping off his shoes. "I'll fuck you."

He crawled on top of David, kissing him hungrily. God, he couldn't get enough of this. "Naked," he panted. "You need to be naked."

David made a noise of agreement, pushing off his shoes even as he kept kissing Joe, a hand possessively in his hair. "You too," he said. "I need to touch you."

"Need" not "want". David's words ignited Joe's desire even further. "Yes," he said, struggling to pull off his shirt without unbuttoning it. He wouldn't have the patience.

David's hands ran up Joe's torso as soon as it was free. Joe could feel it even as he was still fighting to pull the offending material completely off. "Are you trying to hide in there?" David joked.

"Help me, dammit," Joe told him.

David laughed, but tugged on a few places until Joe could finally throw off the shirt. When he looked down, David had one hand on Joe's chest and was reverently scanning his whole upper body up to Joe's face. "You're even more breathtaking than I remember," David said, and the sheer awe in his voice broke something in Joe.

"Hardly," he tried to reflect. Really, he was trying to stay fit but he wasn't twenty anymore, which made David's honest admiration just the more special.

"I've..." David said, moving one hand slowly up to a nipple. He didn't finish the sentence, seemingly lost in tracing the path through Joe's chest hair. When he reached the nipple, he circled it, before rubbing over it.

Joe sighed in satisfaction.

David looked up at him and did it again.

"Don't stop," Joe said. "No, wait. Let's get rid of our clothes first. I want to play too."

David flushed and reluctantly pulled his hand away. He quickly started to unbutton his shirt, and Joe took the chance to undo his pants. Not wanting any further mishaps, he did a proper job of it, getting out of his jeans and boxers, pulling off his socks, and even taking off his bracelet and necklace. He carefully placed them on the nightstand, finally naked, and turned to David who had fully undressed as well and was looking at Joe expectantly.

It wasn't the same body of a lanky young man that Joe had fucked all those years ago, but it was still David, and he wanted him as much as back then if not more.

David seemed to recognize the desire in Joe's eyes. He looked pleased, telling Joe, "Come here."

Joe obeyed without question. He settled down on top of David, who'd moved to the middle of the bed. "Wait," he said before resuming to kiss David. He opened the nightstand to retrieve the tube of lube that he kept there and was happy to find some condoms as well. He placed them both on the nightstand, ready for when he needed them.

When he turned back to David, David was right there, putting his hand on Joe's neck and pulling him down into a deep kiss.

Joe let himself fall into the kiss, forgetting everything else around him. The kiss wasn't as forceful as the first ones had been. They took their time now to relearn each other's lips and mouths.

They kissed languidly for what felt like forever. Joe's hand ran up and down David's side. Eventually he let it wander over his hip down to David's ass.

David slowed down the kiss and moved away, blinking his eyes open. His lips were red and swollen from kissing. His eyes were big and blue and slightly glazed over. "Fuck me?"

It was a question this time instead of an order, but Joe was just as compelled to obey. He squeezed David's ass. "Oh yeah," he said.

He picked up the lube from the nightstand and moved David's legs apart enough that he could kneel between them. They were both only half-hard, pleasantly aroused from making out.

Joe took David's dick in his hand and stroked up and down until David closed his eyes and moaned. Joe felt David's dick fill at his ministrations, and he couldn't resist and leaned forward to get a taste.

"Joe!" David shouted, opening his eyes again.

Joe sucked in the tip of David's cock, then let his tongue play with the head.

"Oh, God," David said, clearly enjoying what Joe was doing.

Joe loved to suck cock, and he loved it even more when his partner was vocal in his responses. He took David deeper, sucking and licking until David was completely hard and panting. Only then did he let David's cock slip from his mouth, giving the head another swirl with his tongue.

"Don't stop," David panted.

"I don't want you to come until I'm inside you," Joe said, squirting some lube on one hand.

David moaned, pushing his hips up impatiently. "Please," he asked.

Joe smiled and moved one finger to David's entrance. He circled around it, then moved up the perineum and caressed his balls, making David squirm and moan, before moving back down to circle David's hole again. He put a bit more lube on his fingers and went back, pushing the tip of his finger inside.

David was incredibly tight. Joe heard him take a deep breath, and then he relaxed, letting Joe push the finger deeper. The thought of pushing into that tightness made Joe's dick harden a bit more. He thrust his finger in and out, letting David get used to the intrusion.

"More," David whispered between pants.

Joe removed his finger and added some more lube, before going back with two fingers. "So tight," he couldn't help saying.

David froze for a second, then relaxed again. "Please," he said again.

Joe pushed his fingers deeper and deeper, angling for the prostate and knowing he found it when David groaned and his hips shot up. "Joe, please, I need..."

He was unable to articulate what he needed, but Joe was pretty sure he knew. He scissored his fingers, trying to make this quicker even though David still felt very tight. He pulled out again and applied more lube, going in with three fingers this time.

David began to squirm and moan, trying to get Joe's fingers deeper. "God, yes, please," he said.

Joe's own cock was hard as rock, demanding to push into that tight hole that was waiting—no begging—to be breached by him. "David?" Joe asked.

"Yes, yes," David said without thinking.

Joe gathered at the control he could muster and pulled out his fingers, going back one more time with four. God, David was incredibly tight.

"Please. Please, fuck me," David moaned. "Joe." It sounded so needy that Joe couldn't hold on any longer.

He pulled his fingers out, making David whine, and had already aligned his cock, when he remembered the condom. "Fuck," he cursed, moving to grab one from the nightstand.

"Yes, come on," David demanded.

Joe fought with the packet, which wasn't easy since his fingers were slippery.

"Give me that," David said, snatching the packet from him. He pulled out the condom, and Joe bit his lip in anticipation of David's fingers on him. Instead David moved his head forward and took a swipe of the head of his cock with his tongue. Joe groaned, afraid that this would be over before he got to fuck David, but thankfully, David pulled away as quickly as he'd leaned in, carefully rolling the condom over Joe's hard cock. "Now fuck me," David said when he was done.

He lay back down and spread his legs invitingly.

Joe aligned the head of his cock with David's glistening hole.

"Joe!" David demanded, and Joe pushed forward.

"Jesus," he groaned. David felt unbelievably tight.

David groaned too, demanding, "More!"

Joe took a deep breath and pushed further and further.

"Oh God," David groaned, pulling his legs back and moving them, so that Joe could settle fully inside of him.

He didn't dare to move. "God, you are so fucking tight," Joe said. Hell, David felt tighter than back in Paris. Joe was afraid that he'd come the moment either of them moved.

"It's been nearly twenty years," David said between heavy breaths.

It took a moment for Joe to process what he was saying. He couldn't mean...

"Joe, please," David begged.

Joe leaned forward because he needed to kiss David. "You are..."

"Only you," David said. "Please, Joe."

Joe started to move then. Slowly at first, but with every moan, with every plea that fell from David's mouth he pushed deeper, harder.

God, this was amazing. It wasn't just how tight David was. It wasn't even that David had never let anyone else fuck him. It was simply...it was David and it was that day in Paris and meeting again after so many years. Joe still couldn't believe that this had happened.

David was undulating beneath him, groaning Joe's name and inarticulate praise and demands, and Joe wanted to give him everything.

He fucked him with all that he had. David had waited almost twenty years to experience this again and Joe would make it count. He'd make it count for the next twenty years, though he didn't want this to stop. He wanted to make David lose all control and come like he'd never come before and then he wanted to do it again.

When David was nothing but a jerking mass, no longer capable of speech, and Joe felt that he couldn't hold back any longer, he reached out to touch David's red-hard cock, which was steadily leaking pre-come.

One hard grip was enough.

David twitched and shouted, his ass tightening around Joe's cock, and Joe came, shooting his load deep even as David's cock spurted jets of come over his hand and chest and stomach.

Joe gathered the last bit of strength he had to pull out with the condom and get rid of it. Then he dropped onto the bed next to David, throwing an arm over him.

David turned to him, panting and hardly conscious. "So worth it," he said, leaning forward and kissing Joe.

Joe wasn't sure what he meant. Worth the wait? Worth discussing sex with others with his girlfriend? Either way he agreed that it was worth it. He let the kiss linger, stroking David's chest and not minding the come. In fact he lifted his hand to his finger to get a taste of it before moving to David's chest to lick it up.

David's hands landed in his hair. "You are the hottest thing I've ever met."

"Thing?" Joe asked between licks.

After a moment, David clarified, "Guy."

Joe lifted his head to look at David. He still seemed kind of out of it, and Joe was a bit proud of himself. He leaned forward to kiss David, pushing his tongue into his mouth so that he could get a taste of himself.

David groaned.

They kept kissing until they had to come up for air.

David looked at Joe with his big blue eyes. Joe could stare at him all night long. Though it occurred to him that David had come here for a reason. Other than having mind-blowing sex with Joe.

"We should go over that scene," he said. "And shower."

David looked at him for a long moment, stroking his hair. "Yes," he eventually said.

~~

They really weren't twenty anymore, so nothing happened in the shower except a few touches and kisses. After going through the scene a few times, David called a taxi. He cupped Joe's face before he left, just looking at him for a long moment and then pulling him into one last deep kiss.

Joe fell asleep feeling utterly satisfied with himself and the world.

The satisfaction carried through the next day. The anticipation and uncertainty was replaced by contentment, and he had a wide smile on his face when he saw David the next morning.

David acknowledged him with a nod, his face flushing.

They kept sharing looks and little smiles all day. David didn't seem to be a fan of sitting, and Joe was just a bit worried. But when he approached David and asked if he was all right, casually cupping his ass for a moment, David only said, "I'm fine. No need to coddle."

Joe smiled at him. He did kind of want to coddle him, but he let David deal with it by choosing to stand while they waited for the next take.

Neither Katherine nor Joe said anything when he flew back home for the weekend, but Joe hadn't expected anything else.

On his flight back to Vancouver, however, he couldn't help thinking about David.

He wasn't quite sure if that had been it for them. They hadn't talked about that when Joe had made the offer or when David had accepted it.

Joe would be fine if it turned out to be a one-time event. He even would have been fine if David would have turned him down. Though he wasn't going to deny that he would have been very disappointed. Now he felt that they'd alleviated some of the tension between them.

Which wasn't to say that their history was completely in the past and forgotten now. That certain thrill, the knowledge that they weren't just any two colleagues would always be with them, and Joe wouldn't want to miss it.

As much as he would be okay with leaving it at that one evening, Joe had to admit to himself that if David was up for more, Joe would be more than happy to oblige.

He would love to repeat some of the other experiences from that day in Paris and maybe make completely new ones. And it would be nice to have regular sex while he was on the show.

Joe wasn't worried about things getting out of hand between them. There'd been one guy who'd been part of the crew of a movie, whom he'd had sex with basically every day for the two weeks that his shoot had lasted. They'd worked up from hand jobs, to blow jobs, to fucking in various positions. It had been a lot of fun, but he couldn't even remember the guy's name.

David wouldn't be as forgettable. He'd already cemented himself into Joe's sexual history with that day in Paris, and the rapport that they had as actors was something that he'd always remember fondly. But that didn't mean that he was in any danger of breaking Katherine's rule number two.

Both he and David were in steady relationships—steady, _happy_ relationships. So even if a regular thing between them would be the most frequent he'd ever fucked a guy outside of limited movie shoots, he was sure it wouldn't interfere with their relationships with their partners—or their own professional one for that matter.

Joe had gotten to like John Sheppard, so he wasn't going to risk that either.

~~

As open as he was to the idea, Joe was hesitant to be the one to bring it up again. He'd made the very first move, and he'd told David the rules by which he was playing. David hadn't said if his arrangement with Jane included repeat performances, so it was up to him to let Joe know where they stood.

What Joe _did_ do was let David know that he was still interested.

He was flirty and used every chance to get into David's space and touch him. If he could get away with it, he fondled David's ass as a reminder of what they'd done. Joe really enjoyed making David jump in surprise and flush, though he loved it even more when David simply leaned back into Joe's hand and gave him a cheeky grin.

David certainly was on board with the flirtation, and Joe found himself hoping they wouldn't leave it at that.

When David suggested going through a scene after shooting was over, Joe eagerly agreed.

It was a mirror of the last time David had joined him after work. Joe went in first, trying hard not to seem too eager, while David stayed at the door. "So does your arrangement with your wife say anything about only sleeping with the same guy once?" David asked.

A smile spread over Joe's face, and he felt relief that it wasn't over yet. "We've already slept together more than once," Joe said.

"Right," David said.

"The rules are the rules, doesn't matter if it's the same guy," Joe said to answer David's question.

"That's good to hear," David said, eyes lighting up.

Joe walked over to him. "Do _your_ rules say anything about repeat performances?" he asked seductively. It was a rhetorical questions. If Jane wouldn't be down with this, David wouldn't have brought it up. Or at least not as a question.

David gazed at Joe's face. "I want to taste you," he said, lust written on his face.

Joe gave a delighted laugh, because it was endearing that David wanted this so much that he didn't even seem to register the question, rhetorical as it was. Then Joe realized what exactly David wanted and a shudder went through his body. "Do you?" he asked, leaning forward until his lips almost touched David's.

"I never got the chance in Paris. I always wished I had," David said.

Joe closed the distance between them and kissed David.

David eagerly returned the kiss and started to unbutton Joe's shirt. Joe let him work on that and concentrated on the kiss. Their mouths aligned perfectly, and their tongues slipped out to get a taste of each other.

When David was done unbuttoning his shirt, he stepped back to admire his work. "So hot," he said.

Joe smiled, remembering how David had asked him to keep it on in Paris. Instead of getting out of the shirt, he pulled David's t-shirt out of his pants and up. David obediently lifted his arms, allowing Joe to slip it off.

Joe's fingers went to David's nipples rubbing them into tight little nubs. Even if he hadn't lusted after David before the Revelation, he'd certainly noticed the nipples—and the ass. Joe moved his hands down and around David to said ass, kneading it.

David took a deep breath. "Not that I didn't enjoy being fucked, but I really, really want to taste you," he said, moving his hand to Joe's crotch.

Joe pushed forward into David's hands, groaning when David moved his hand in a firm rub down Joe's dick. "I think I can live with that," he said.

David undid the button and lowered the zipper on Joe's jeans, making sure to put enough pressure in the movement that Joe could feel it. Then he pushed Joe's jeans down and after a moment, pushed his hand into Joe's boxers, gripping his dick.

Joe thrust forward again. "We should move this to the bed," he said. His feet were still stuck in his pants, and if David continued this, Joe might get weak enough in his knees to stumble over the jeans and face plant onto the floor.

David gave Joe's dick a quick squeeze—making Joe whimper—and then pulled his hand away.

They quickly undressed, though Joe kept the shirt on. David gave him an approving look when Joe settled down on the bed, wearing nothing but the shirt and spreading his legs in invitation.

David simply let his gaze wander for a moment, and Joe was beginning to feel self-conscious though it was very obvious that David liked what he saw.

"Didn't you want to blow me or something?" Joe asked eventually.

"In due time," David said with a grin.

Joe raised an eyebrow, but didn't say anything. Thankfully David finally made a move and knelt between his legs. He took Joe's dick back in his hand and held it.

Joe shifted a bit, wanting much more than the light touch, but David gave him a little slap with his free hand. "Let me do this my way. You'll get to come. Don't worry."

Joe suddenly had a flashback to the day in Paris and how David had wanted to be given time to explore. Joe suspected that despite the one previous blowjob that David had said he'd given before, his encounter with Joe had been the first to really let him play with a cock. It seemed that he still didn't have enough.

"Been almost twenty years?" Joe asked casually. It wasn't that he was too keen on being (nearly) the only guy David had been with. He was just curious.

"Not for this," David said. "There've been occasions..." He trailed off. "But never enough time to explore."

Joe smiled. He was good with letting David explore. And with David having blown other guys since Paris. More experience was never a bad thing.

Soon it became clear that David _meant_ it when he said he wanted to take his time. He caressed Joe's cock for a long time, using so little pressure that Joe was still only half-hard. It wasn't a bad feeling or anything. In fact at this point it was still quite pleasant to simply have your dick played with, though Joe feared that once he became more aroused, he'd feel more urgent about David really touching him.

As it was, he let his mind drift off to the day in Paris and how he'd met David.

He'd been fascinated with him from the start and even before David had left with no way to contact him, Joe had felt that there'd been something special about the encounter.

In the years between he'd often thought about David, even if it was just a fleeting memory or association when someone mentioned Paris or Canada. He'd sometimes wondered what would have been if David had left an address or a phone number.

Of course, back then it had been pure speculation. They hadn't had as much of a chance to get to know each other. But after working with David for almost a season and spending sometimes very long days on set together, Joe had a better of idea how things might have turned out between them.

They weren't a perfect fit in all matters. David was more progressive than Joe was politically. Joe was more of an outdoors person who sometimes really liked to drive his body, which wasn't really David's thing. And when it came to technology, David could be a real geek, where Joe was perfectly happy just being able to use something no matter why or how it worked.

But he didn't think their differences would have necessarily precluded a long-term relationship. They were both quite open-minded and interested in hearing about all kinds of topics. They both loved their jobs and brought a passion to it that was hard to convey to people who didn't share it. And they both loved kids.

Joe was sure that David would be a great father someday. So that would have certainly worked in their favor. Though of course, no amount of fucking would have led to a child between them, so he wasn't sure how relevant it was to his little mind experiment. Except if they would have decided to have children together.

The thing was, it should be absurd to even think about this in theory, but for some reason, Joe could imagine it easily. He could see how they would have met again after Joe returned to the States. How a whirlwind romance might have settled down into something more permanent without becoming stale. And how they would have eventually realized that this was what they wanted for the rest of their lives.

After what seemed like an eternity of light touches and quick licks, David finally took Joe's cock in his mouth and really suckled on it.

Joe felt a weird disconnect between the life that he'd just pictured a moment before and the reality. He certainly didn't regret that he'd met Katherine and that they'd had their wonderful boys, and he was happy that David had Jane, but he still felt that it could have been different, that in some parallel life they weren't doing this in a hotel with permission of their partners, but in their own home _as_ partners.

Joe closed his eyes. He wasn't sure why he'd even started thinking about it. It made no difference what could have been. What mattered was that he was here with David now, and that David was still maddeningly soft in his ministrations.

"Planning to do this all night long?" Joe asked.

"Uhum," David confirmed around Joe's dick.

Joe sighed. He really enjoyed having his dick played with, but he was beginning to feel the more insistent side of his arousal, wanting more than just light touches and quick sucks. He tried to contain himself, watching David instead.

He worked on Joe's cock as if it was a delicacy. He covered every inch of Joe's dick with attention, touching and licking, and Joe really wanted to give him all the time in the world, but he also wanted to come at some point this century. "David, please."

David looked at him, and after a moment moved to take the head of Joe's cock back into his mouth, sucking a bit more firmly.

"Yes," Joe said, encouraging him.

David licked and sucked around the head, while holding Joe's shaft in a slightly tighter grip.

Joe felt himself swell to full hardness. "More," he whispered, and David took him a little deeper, still not doing anything with his hand, though. Joe had no idea how many blow jobs David had given since that day in Paris, but it hadn't been enough to make him an expert.

Not that Joe minded. Then as now, it felt good, and the fact that David wanted it and enjoyed it made up for a lot.

David took him steadily deeper, and suddenly, as if he remembered what Joe had told him all those years ago, he started moving his hand as well.

"Oh, yeah," Joe moaned.

David took the encouragement and increased his efforts, tightening his grip on Joe's cock and sucking harder.

"Yes! Just like that," Joe said. It became increasingly difficult not to move up his hips and thrust into David's mouth, but he forced himself not to lose that much control.

David seemed to sense how hard it was for Joe, because he firmly held him down with his free hand, even as he took Joe deeper and really started sucking.

"David," Joe began to moan. His dick began to leak pre-come, and David sucked it in and lapped it off before moving his head back down onto Joe's hard cock.

The hand that held Joe down moved to Joe's thigh and a split second before knew what he was going to do, David ran a finger over Joe's balls down to his perineum. Joe's hips bucked up a little, and he quickly said, "Sorry, sorry."

David pulled off long enough to say, "Give me some lube."

Joe turned to get it out of the nightstand, hastily unscrewing it for David.

David kept sucking him and only held out his hand. Joe squirted a generous amount of lube on his fingers and placed the tube on the nightstand, holding his breath. He tried to prepare himself for the cold slick, wondering where David would put his finger.

Not knowing when it would happen only heightened his anticipation, and then David's fingers cupped his balls before quickly rubbing his perineum a few times and finally delving around Joe's hole.

"David, please," Joe said. He was breathless with want by now, needing to feel David on his cock, in his ass, everywhere.

David kept sucking and stroking his cock, while one finger ran in neverending circles around Joe's entrance.

Joe was ready to beg again, when David pushed his finger in, not stopping until he'd found Joe's prostate.

Joe only made an inarticulate sound, jerking his hips upward, but thankfully not enough to choke David.

David didn't stop massaging his hot spot, and at the same time he tightened his grip on Joe's dick even more, really jacking him off in hard strokes while his mouth tried to suck Joe's brain out through his dick.

The triple onslaught was too much for Joe's senses.

"David!" he shouted and came, helplessly spurting into David's mouth and clenching around his finger.

David swallowed everything that Joe had to give and didn't stop sucking until Joe gently pushed his head away. He pulled out his finger as well, and Joe looked at him, panting.

David's lips were shiny from spit and come and Joe had to reach out and pull him into a deep, dirty kiss.

"You need to fuck me," he whispered between kisses, but David froze.

Joe gave him a questioning look, but David closed his eyes and took a deep breath. "Don't think I'll hold on long enough," he managed to say, his voice strained. He opened his eyes again, looking slightly embarrassed.

Joe only smiled. "Then let me get a taste of you again," he said.

David quickly nodded and lay down next to Joe.

They traded places until David lay in the middle of the bed, and Joe knelt between his legs. David's cock was red and leaking, and Joe knew that he wouldn't last long. Still he wanted to get at least a bit of revenge for earlier.

He leaned forward, but instead of taking David's cock in his mouth, he mouthed the inner side of David's thigh, moving up towards his torso, but not touching his balls.

"Oh God, please," David said. His face and chest were also flushed, though not as red as his cock.

Joe took pity on him and slipped his hand around David's cock, keeping the touch light. He wanted to have David's cock in his mouth when he came.

Leaning forward, he took a swipe with his tongue, licking away the pre-come at the tip and making David moan. Then he went back to swirl his tongue along the ridge.

"Joe, please," David begged. "I can't—"

Joe could feel that he was about to come and quickly took him in his mouth sucking him in deep. Moments later, David's come filled his mouth, accompanied by a long moan.

Joe swallowed everything that David had to give, then licked him clean and let him slide from his mouth.

David lay on the bed, panting loudly. He looked barely conscious, but then managed to focus on Joe, and grabbed him by the sides of his shirt that were hanging down. He pulled Joe forward into a kiss and Joe could only follow and press his lips against David's.

"I'll fuck you next time," David said when they came up for air.

Joe only kissed him again.

~~

David did fuck him the next time. Joe was on top, riding him like he'd done in Paris, loving every second of getting David as deep as he could.

Having regular sex with David was fantastic. They went to Joe's hotel room once a week give or take, taking their time to really fuck. During the rest of the week, they exchanged blow jobs and hand jobs in their trailer if they had the occasion. Sometimes they even just made out on what passed as a couch.

It did occur to Joe that he had more sex with David than with his wife. He didn't think too much about it, though, because it wasn't as if that happened for the first time. It simply was what happened when he fucked a guy while shooting something. It had never been a problem before.

And Joe still slept with Katherine when he went home on weekends. He wasn't quite as horny as he used to be, but he certainly still enjoyed it, and it was only natural that he wouldn't be as desperate when he actually got to have sex during the work week.

The most important thing was that he was sticking to Katherine's rules.

He had to admit that being with David wasn't quite like the casual fucks he'd had over the years. Sex with David could be very intense, and Joe felt a certain amount of affection for him that he didn't with the other guys he'd had sex with.

But of course, working on a TV show where you spent long days stuck with the same people for weeks on end created a certain amount of familiarity. He sometimes felt affection for other members of the cast and crew, so it wasn't as if it was just David.

Whatever he felt for David, he wasn't breaking rule number two. If Katherine asked him to stop, he'd do it without hesitation.

He'd regret it, yes, but it wasn't as if he couldn't live without David. It was hot, sometimes funny, mostly mind-blowing, always pleasurable, but it was only sex at the end of the day. He could live without it. He'd done it before and he could do it again.

The occasion to prove it arrived when hiatus came up.

The last time they had sex before hiatus was especially intense. Joe tried to memorize every bit of David's body and his reactions when he touched him. He was looking forward to spending more time with his family, but he'd miss this while he and David would be apart.

During the second week of hiatus he realized how much he missed him. The first week had been a whirlwind of activity, doing all the things that he'd put off until he was finally home for longer than a weekend, but when things had settled down a bit, he realized that he hadn't been without David for so long in a few months.

He tried to dismiss the thought. Obviously he'd gotten used to the regular sex with him. Which was understandable, so he didn't feel bad about it.

And he did occasionally miss the cast and crew in general. So missing David in particular was natural. It didn't mean anything.

Joe was quite successful in ignoring the moments in which he randomly thought of David or not so randomly longed for him. It came and went, and Joe could always take solace in the fact that he was happy to be with his family, that he didn't _really_ miss anything. That at some point in the future, what he'd had with David would be just another memory of experiencing sex with guys.

Whatever excuses he made up for himself came crashing down when he went on his annual surfing trip.

Every summer he met a surfing buddy of his, Lance. They'd meet early in the morning, get dressed in the changing cabin and blow each other, hit the waves until they got tired, then returned to shower and blow each other again if they had the energy.

They did this for a week, and then Joe would head home again, feeling exhausted and old, but also relaxed and energized.

Except that this year, Joe didn't want to do it.

He looked forward to the surfing and seeing Lance again, but whenever he thought about the blow jobs, he saw David's face in his mind.

They didn't talk about their other sexual experiences very often. David had never mentioned when he'd had occasion to blow other guys. And Joe only seldom mentioned his past experiences. But on the few occasions that he _had_ mentioned them, David had always tensed for a moment, before visibly relaxing. He'd never acted jealous or anything of the sort. It would be ridiculous not just given their situation but also because Joe had only mentioned encounters he'd had in the past before meeting David—again.

But even if David hadn't acted overtly jealous or hinted in any way that he'd have any problem with Joe having sex with other guys as well, Joe was sure that he wouldn't like it if he knew that Joe exchanged blow jobs with Lance. Joe knew that David would never say anything. He also knew that he was under no obligation to tell David about it, but he couldn't get the image of David's hurt look out of his mind.

The thing was, Joe was pretty sure if he didn't have sex with Lance because of David, it meant something that he couldn't explain away as easily as everything else.

It had no precedent and no excuse, except that Joe didn't want to feel guilty for hurting David. Of course, the problem with that reason was that they weren't supposed to be able to hurt each other because they were just having meaningless sex.

Joe debated with himself all through the drive to the hotel.

Katherine's rule number two had the obvious purpose of not letting any of Joe's encounters affect their marriage. Not blowing a guy because of David wouldn't directly change anything between Joe and his wife, but the implications were so obvious that for the first time since considering having sex with David (again, after Paris), Joe didn't simply ignore his concerns.

Joe's sexual encounters with guys all had two things in common. Joe would have been fine if they hadn't happened, and they had changed absolutely nothing in his life.

Joe had managed to convince himself that he ultimately wouldn't care if he didn't have sex with David. Though over the course of the hiatus it had become difficult to ignore how much he missed it—and David.

But not exchanging blow jobs with Lance would be undeniable. It would be proof that the sex that he had with David wasn't just staying inside its little bubble, but working its way into other parts of Joe's life. And he couldn't let that happen. He _shouldn't_.

He couldn't be with David if he was breaking Katherine's rules. And if he wasn't breaking rules, it shouldn't be a problem for him to have sex with a guy other than David.

Hell, he should be looking forward to this. Lance loved to suck cock and he was exceptionally good at it. Technically he was better at it than David, though David had gotten pretty good at blowing Joe in the past weeks. Joe was a guy. It shouldn't even be a question whether he wanted an amazing blow job that his wife had no problem with.

Except that no matter how much Joe tried to psych himself up into looking forward to it, he couldn't. He knew that if he forced himself to go through with this, he'd feel bad about it afterwards. Whether he'd tell David or not, he'd feel guilty, and why the hell should he do something he knew he'd feel bad about just to prove something?

Because not doing it would be a proof of a different kind, a tiny voice in his head promptly answered.

Joe almost wanted to turn around and simply cancel the whole trip, though that would be just another way of admitting that being with David _had_ changed his life. As he neared the hotel, he simply admitted to himself that no matter what he did today, he'd feel the impact that sleeping with David had on his life.

There it was. What he would do with it was another matter, and something that he didn't he wanted to deal with right now. He had a day of surfing ahead of him.

When Lance saw that he was already dressed, he was a bit confused. "I still need to change. Coming with me?" he asked.

"No, I'm good. I'll head out and wait for you," Joe said casually, as if he didn't know what it meant.

"Okay," Lance said. "See you in a minute."

Joe was relieved that he didn't make a big deal out of it. He didn't really seem bothered by it. More surprised. Which was how it should be, but Joe pushed that thought away.

Surfing was exhilarating as always. Later that afternoon when he felt almost too tired to stand but absolutely great at the same time, he again declined when Lance asked if Joe was going to join him in the shower.

That was the end of it. They didn't talk about it. Lance didn't ask about the change. Joe certainly didn't volunteer to tell him. He had no idea what Lance thought the reason was. Maybe he didn't even care enough to think about it.

Joe wished he could do the same. He longed for the days when he and David had just started having sex. It had been very simple back then. He could check the rules off on his hand, not giving any of them much more than a second thought. Safe sex, no problem. Not telling Katherine, fair enough. Not falling in love, sure.

He still wasn't in love with David. The sex between them might not be meaningless—and at this point there was no denying that—but it didn't mean that he was in love with David.

He loved his family. He loved his wife. That hadn't changed. If Katherine asked him today to stop what he was doing with David, he would.

The question was if he would stop having sex with David if she didn't ask. Because Katherine had no reason to ask it of him, and he knew that. She trusted him. She trusted him not to break the rules, and Joe didn't know anymore because the rules used to be so simple and suddenly they weren't anymore.

If he was ready to end it with David at any time, was he still okay? If he wasn't in love, was that enough to keep doing this?

~~

Joe hadn't really come to a conclusion by the time shooting started for the second season.

He'd considered asking David if they should not do it as often, keep it to once a week instead. But he wasn't sure what he'd answer if David asked why. If Joe told him he had concerns about getting too emotionally invested in it, David might suggest that they stop completely, and Joe didn't want that.

Or maybe he would think Joe wanted to end it completely, but didn't want to be too blunt about it, slowing reducing how often they had sex. And Joe didn't want him to get the wrong idea. They _were_ friends after all. David hadn't just been a convenient guy to fuck. He wasn't like that guy he couldn't even remember the name of.

He was special.

But at the same time he wasn't allowed to be too special. Joe was going just a bit crazy listening to one side of his brain trying to convince him that it was just sex while the other would hate if David ever got that idea because it wasn't true.

In the end he decided to play it by ear. Maybe David would be the one to end it. He was going to buy a house in Washington, so maybe they wouldn't have any evenings together, or maybe he had proposed to Jane during hiatus and it changed things. Some people had different rules when they got married.

Joe felt so conflicted that he didn't go looking for David the first day of shooting. He didn't hide exactly, he just went to his trailer instead of greeting everyone.

But David soon found him. "Joe?" he shouted, knocking on the trailer door. "Rachel told me you're here already."

Joe opened the door, just a slight bit apprehensive about his own reaction to seeing David again. David smiled widely at him, and something in Joe melted.

David pushed himself inside and closed the door. "I missed you," he said, coming closer to Joe. It was so heart-felt that Joe couldn't mistake it for a casual remark between friends. David didn't say anything else. He looked at Joe's mouth, but didn't kiss him.

This was Joe's chance to be casual, to tell him he'd missed him too, but then talk about the first scene or head over to make-up. But what came out of his mouth was the same heart-felt "I missed you too."

David's eyes lit up, and when he closed the distance between them and pulled Joe into a deep kiss, all of Joe's considerations went straight out the window. He kissed David back, opening his mouth for him and putting his arms around him in a fierce embrace.

~~

Sleeping with David was like it had always been, not just before the hiatus but way back in Paris.

Every response, every touch lodged itself deep inside Joe. It was and had always been something unforgettable. And it scared Joe to realize that because it meant that this hadn't happened over time, unknown to him, but it had always been there and he simply hadn't been able to—or more honestly hadn't wanted to—see it.

Now that he had to acknowledge how much being with David meant to Joe, he started to feel guilty. He still told himself that he would stop this if Katherine asked it of him. But he was no longer able to pretend that her consent if he stuck to her rules meant that she'd be fine with what he was doing if she knew it.

But at the same time, a part of him clung to her permission. He used it as a lifeline to keep touching David, to keep kissing him, to keep feeling the way he did when was intimate with David.

A few weeks after they'd started shooting the second season, David and Jane flew down to Los Angeles for the weekend for a meeting on a project.

Joe saw no reason not to tell Katherine, especially since David had asked for recommendations on restaurants and Katherine was better at that than Joe was.

"What exactly is he looking for?" she asked. "Is this for tonight?"

"I'm not really sure," Joe said. "And yes, tonight, I think. Or maybe tomorrow for lunch. I think he just wants to know where he can take Jane while they're here."

"Why don't you call him? Or better yet, why don't you ask them if they want to go out with us? It's been a while and we could have a nice evening with them."

"Uhm." Joe hesitated. He'd been able to hide his guilt over his feelings for David from Katherine so far, but he wasn't sure if the four of them having dinner would be a good idea. But of course he couldn't tell his wife why he felt that way. As far as everyone was concerned they were two guys who were in relationships with wonderful women and who happened to work together and occasionally fuck. They all knew it and were adults about it, and really, it was _Joe's_ problem that he couldn't deal with his feelings. There was absolutely no reason for him to drag the others into this.

He took a deep breath, and told himself to act as he would if this were what his wife assumed it was and what he had told himself that it should be.

"Okay, I'll call him. Maybe they'll be busy. Or maybe they'd rather spend the evening alone," Joe said.

"Did he say that?" Katherine asked.

"No," Joe said. "I just thought they might want to have a romantic evening to themselves." It might be one way out of this dinner.

"Well, just invite them. If they rather want a romantic dinner for two, you can simply tell them about the French place we went to for my birthday," Katherine said.

"Yeah," Joe said and picked up his phone. For a second he was tempted to fake it and tell Katherine they'd declined, but Joe couldn't bring himself to lie to her. Not like that. What he did with David still had the element of plausible deniability. Or so he kept telling himself.

When Joe told David about Katherine's invitation, he could hear the hesitation. Joe silently hoped David would come up with an excuse but then he heard Jane asking who it was and when David relayed Katherine's suggestion, Jane said, "That's a great idea!"

Joe could _hear_ David swallow even through the phone even before he said, "We'll come," in a subdued voice.

Joe told him the address and when to meet them and then made reservations. He still had a weird feeling about this, but he tried to calm down and see it as just an evening among friends. He hadn't met Jane too often, but she seemed like a great person, and David was smitten with her. There was no reason he couldn't have a good time if he pulled himself together.

While they got dressed for the evening, Katherine suddenly asked him, "So did you ever have sex with him? I mean now."

Joe froze for a moment before continuing to button his shirt. "Yes," he said, not sure where this was going. She'd never asked about his sexual encounters with guys before.

"More than once?" she continued. She was putting on her make-up and it didn't seem as if she had any ulterior motive for asking.

"Yeah," Joe confirmed.

She turned to him and grinned. "Just curious," she said. "I'm glad you've got stuff to do while you're up there all week. Wouldn't want you to die of boredom."

Joe gave her a weak smile. Thankfully that seemed to be it.

They made their way to the restaurant and waited for David and Jane. The two of them were late and when they did show up, Jane said, "I'm sorry we let you wait. David hasn't been feeling well, but I could persuade him to try. If it gets any worse, we'll leave."

David did look paler than usual. Joe got up to take a closer look at him. David was visibly unwell, and Joe instinctively put his hand on David's forehead to check his temperature. "Seems normal," he commented. David looked at him with big eyes, and Joe couldn't resist quickly stroking his cheeks with his fingers in comfort.

David's eyes shot to Jane, who frowned at Joe.

Joe cleared his throat. Okay, this was possibly awkward. Just because she didn't mind her boyfriend fucking his colleague occasionally, didn't necessarily mean that she was okay with said colleague being affectionate to him in public. He turned to Katherine, who only smiled at him.

They sat down, and Katherine asked what they'd done in Los Angeles. The conversation was steered to safe topics, and Joe was relieved that the evening turned out quite well. David seemed to relax too. He still was much more quiet than Joe was used to, and he worried a bit about David, but it didn't seem to be anything serious, so he tried not to fuss.

Maybe the meeting had been stressful for David or he'd eaten something funny.

Towards the end of the evening, the conversation turned to families.

"David and I have talked about it, and we'd both like to have children at some point," Jane said, smiling her bright infectious smile.

"I couldn't imagine life without our boys," Katherine said. "Though you need to be prepared. Having a child changes everything." She looked at Joe, who took her hand.

"It's the most wonderful and most terrifying experience imaginable at once," he agreed, smiling at her. Then he turned to David. "You'll be a great father, I'm sure." It was the truth. David would get all the best toys for their kid and then play with them himself. And he'd be extremely protective to the point of paranoia. A good counterpart to Joe who was more laid-back. 

Joe couldn't believe that he was thinking about having kids with David again. In front of the woman he wanted to have those kids with no less.

"It must be hard for you to only see them on weekends during shooting," Jane said to Joe.

"Yes," Joe agreed. "It's very hard. At least most days are long, so the week goes by faster."

Katherine leaned forward conspirationally. "And I suppose it helps that the two of them are fucking," she told Jane with a smirk.

Joe flushed. He looked over to David but instead of slight embarrassment, he could see that David looked sick again, his face turned to the table. Joe frowned, looking at Jane, who simply stared at Katherine.

"What?" she asked.

"David and Joe..." Katherine trailed off, looking at Joe.

Joe looked confused as well and lifted his hands. "I don't know. I thought she knew. David told me..."

They all turned to David, who really looked as if he was about to be sick. Joe was worried and about to ask if he was okay when suddenly the very obvious implication of what had just happened crystallized in his mind.

"You didn't know," Katherine stated exactly what Joe thought.

"No, I didn't," Jane said, still looking at David. "David, look at me."

David finally looked up at her. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

So it was true. Joe didn't understand. David had told him that he'd talked to Jane. He'd never gone into detail about what exactly their ground rules were when it came to sex outside their relationship but Joe was really very sure that David had actually _said_ that he'd talked to Jane. Which was obviously not true. So he hadn't just lied to Jane, but to Joe as well. It didn't make any sense at all.

Jane got up. "I... You'll excuse me if I don't thank you for a wonderful evening."

David got up as well. "Jane," he said.

"I trust you'll find somewhere to sleep tonight," Jane said sharply. She looked at Joe for a moment, and Joe was struck by the difference to the sunny nature she'd displayed during the dinner. He felt guilty for the obvious pain he'd caused her. He'd never wanted this to happen. He'd never meant for _anyone_ to get hurt.

Jane turned to leave, and Katherine stopped her, getting up as well. "I'm sorry. I had no idea that you didn't know. Will you be okay getting back to the hotel? I can drive you if you want."

"I'll be fine. Getting back to the hotel at least," Jane said.

"Okay," Katherine said. She fished in her purse and got out a card. "Here's my number if you want to talk. I'm really... I'm so sorry."

"It's not _your_ fault," Jane said. She gave David another look, then left.

Katherine sat back down. For a moment neither of them moved or said anything. Joe still couldn't believe what had just happened. "Let's leave," Katherine eventually said. She turned to David and coldly said, "You'll find somewhere _else_ to sleep." Joe winced. He didn't think that David had assumed for a second he could stay with them.

But then he really didn't know what David was thinking. He looked completely defeated. Joe still didn't know what to think about everything but he felt sorry for him.

Katherine stood up. "Joe," she said impatiently.

Joe stood up as well. When Katherine walked away without another word, he walked past David, squeezing his arm. He wanted to take him into his arm and comfort him, but he knew that he couldn't. He followed his wife outside.

~~

The ride back was silent. Joe still didn't know why David had done what he'd done.

Joe clearly remembered how David had waited until he'd agreed to sleep with Joe. He remembered how anxious he'd been for David's answer. If David was going to lie to Jane about it anyway there'd been no reason to wait. It just didn't make any sense to Joe.

More than that it didn't make any sense that David would lie to Jane in the first place. From everything that he'd said about his private life he was very happy with Jane. He loved her. He probably intended to marry her some day. Hell, Jane had told them today that they'd talked about having kids.

Why would David risk that just for a fuck? Even a lot of great fucks. They'd never done this as anything but sex. It might have turned out differently for Joe, but he'd been explicit about his rules to David from the start and David had never questioned them or hinted that he didn't feel the same. And even if the same thing might have happened to David, that more feelings than intended had crept into their relationship, it wouldn't explain that he'd lied from the very beginning.

Joe simply couldn't wrap his mind around it.

He felt Katherine's hand on his thigh suddenly. "I'm sorry if I was cross to you before. I know that this isn't your fault. You couldn't have known that he lied to her. You're not the one in the wrong."

Joe swallowed. He didn't say anything. Because the truth of the matter was that even though he hadn't known that David had lied to Jane—had never even considered it a possibility—he was by no means innocent.

He hadn't directly lied to Katherine, but at the same time he hadn't been truthful either. Not to her, not to himself, not to David.

He might not have known that it was a lie, and maybe it hadn't been at the beginning, but the idea that what Joe had done with David was meaningless sex on the side was a lie as big as David's cheating.

He had broken rule number two. He couldn't say exactly since when, but it didn't matter. He was as much of a cheater as David, and he didn't think that just because he'd also lied to himself made it any better.

~~

Joe went into this study at home, needing a moment to clear his thoughts—and to call David.

He couldn't get David's look out of his head. Maybe it would have been more honest to stay with him and tell Katherine then and there that he couldn't leave him. Though he still wasn't quite prepared for the consequences of that.

For now he simply wanted to know that David was okay. Joe didn't actually think that he would do anything drastic, but he knew that David's private life had fallen apart tonight, and he wanted David to know that no matter what happened, he wasn't completely alone.

David didn't pick up the phone. When he was prompted to leave a message, Joe said, "I hope you're okay." He didn't know what else to say. Their whole situation was so messed up. He wished he could be with David right now and just hold him. "I love you," Joe added and hung up.

He'd finally said it. To David and to himself. He knew that it wasn't enough. There was one other person who deserved to learn the truth today.

Katherine was already in bed, reading something. When he entered the bedroom, she looked up.

He sat down on the bed, not knowing where to begin. "I'm sorry," he eventually said, echoing David's words from earlier.

Katherine frowned, then suddenly understanding dawned on her face. "Let me guess. You used condoms. You didn't tell me. Two out of three ain't bad, huh?"

"Katherine." He didn't know how to explain himself. He could only repeat that he was sorry, but it was pretty much meaningless. "I never meant for this to happen. I never thought... You were always supposed to come first."

She looked at him for a long moment. "Except that I couldn't in this case. You were his before I even met you."

Joe was confused for a second before he recalled Paris. He slowly shook his head. It wasn't that. He wouldn't deny that the day in Paris had left a mark on him but he hadn't been in love with David when they'd started this again. It might have never been the meaningless sex it should have been, but if David had told him that he loved his girlfriend and wasn't interesting in rekindling the flame with Joe, Joe would have accepted it with regret, but he wouldn't have been heart-broken about it.

Paris might have been why he'd started it and at the same time the reason why he _shouldn't_ have started it. With Paris as part of their history, this never could have been meaningless sex that would be forgotten soon after it was over. But it wasn't true that the day with David in Paris had always stood between Joe and his wife. He _had_ been hers in the years between. He still was in a way.

Joe loved her. She was a great woman, a great friend. She was the mother of his sons. That would never change.

But sitting on the bed so close to her now and hearing her acknowledge what David meant to him, Joe suddenly realized that as much as he'd kept telling himself that he could stop being with David, the same was true for Katherine. He didn't want to lose her, certainly not completely, but if they could only be friends from now on, he'd do that.

And he had to acknowledge that he couldn't have it all. Maybe he couldn't even have one of them after what had happened. And he didn't blame anyone but himself for it. It had been up to him not to risk his marriage, and he'd failed. Now he'd have to pay the price.

"I married you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you and nobody else," he said, because if nothing else he needed her to know that.

Katherine gave him a weak smile. "I believe you. And I believe you that you didn't think it would turn out this way. But now it did. So what are we going to do?"

"I don't know," Joe said. He was about to say, 'I wish I could turn back time,' when he asked himself what he would have done differently. The obvious answer would be to never start having sex with David again. But even knowing how it ended he realized that he couldn't have given up David. He would have done the same thing, except maybe ask David why he was lying. Because he still didn't understand that.

"Does he love you too?" Katherine asked.

Joe looked at her. He'd spent so much time denying his own feelings that David's feelings had been swept up in that same denial. Joe recognized moments between them that felt like love even if he hadn't consciously thought of them as that. When they'd had sex, or just little touches or smiles. But he honestly didn't know if those were just moments of affection and passion, which could and did happen in friendships and during sex even if it _wasn't_ about love. "I don't know."

"Then I guess you should find out," Katherine said. "He's a liar, Joe. You should ask him if he lied because he thought he could get away with it or because he would have done anything to be with you. If it's the latter, maybe you'll have more luck with him."

"Maybe she'll forgive him," Joe said, because Katherine sounded as if she considered it a done deal that Joe would want to leave her to be with David. Joe wasn't as sure about that. Not just because of Jane, but it was easier to bring that up than having to talk about his own feelings which were all over the place right now.

"And that would be okay with you? Wouldn't you want to fight for him? If he's not just a lying asshole?" Katherine asked.

"You want a divorce?" Joe asked. Maybe she'd thought that was a given too.

"Do you even care?" she asked.

"Yes!" Joe said. "I never meant to hurt you. I still don't. I love you. I just..."

"Love him too," Katherine finished for him. "Well, you can't have it all, Joe. Grow the fuck up." The worst part was that she had sympathy in her voice when he really, really didn't deserve it.

"I know," Joe said.

"You don't know what David wants. You _can't_ know what I want, because even _I_ don't know at this point. So at least try to figure out what _you_ want," she said.

Joe nodded. He didn't know about David, and he had no right to expect anything from Katherine. But he needed to finally be honest with himself and make a fucking choice, even if it meant losing everything. Because if he didn't he'd be left with nothing for sure. And he didn't want that even if he deserved it. "Whatever happens, I want us to—"

"Yes, friends," Katherine said impatiently. "For fuck's sake, Joe. You think I'm going to go all revenge on you, take away your kids? Putting so much energy into hating you would be a waste. But please just get out of my sight for now. I'm not gonna pat you on the back and comfort you. If you want someone to pity you, go find David."

"I'm sorry," Joe said.

"And stop saying you're sorry," she added. "I can't do more than tell you I believe you. Saying it often enough won't make the past disappear."

Joe gulped. "I know."

"Just go, Joe. Go to David or the guest room. Think about where you see yourself in ten years, twenty years and with whom. I'll try to do the same," Katherine said.

Joe nodded and got up.

Outside of their bedroom, he thought for a moment before walking to their guest room. She was right. He needed to finally make a choice, and it couldn't be based on what either she or David felt.

~~

Joe didn't see David until the next Monday on set.

Thinking about his feelings, his fears, his wants had been frustrating because any choice seemed like saying that he didn't care about the one he didn't choose and it wasn't true. But as Katherine had said, he couldn't have it all. In the end he had to admit to himself that no matter what scenario he tried to picture, he didn't want to be without David's touch and love. He didn't think he'd lied to himself when he'd said he could live without fucking David.

He just didn't want to. No matter what the consequences. So the only honest thing to do was own up to that and make it so that being with David wouldn't hurt anyone else.

Of course, that wasn't up to him alone.

David was subdued when Joe met him in front of the make-up trailer. "Did you get my message?" Joe asked. The one where he'd told David he loved him.

"Yes," David said, not meeting his eyes. "I appreciate your concern," he added stiffly.

"It wasn't just concern," Joe said. It was the truth.

David looked at him for a moment before turning away again.

"Have you talked to Jane?" Joe asked.

"She's flown home," David said.

"Home?" Joe asked, his heart beating faster.

"England," David said.

Joe's breathing picked up. So it was over between them? Or did David still want to win her back? Joe didn't know, just as he still didn't know why David had lied to her in the first place, but he needed to know. They both finally needed to be honest. "Let's go talk," he said, putting a hand on David's arm. He shouted an excuse to the crew, telling them they'd be back, and dragged David to his trailer.

Once they were inside, Joe let go of him, but David still didn't meet his eyes.

"Why didn't you tell her?" Joe asked after a moment. "I mean why didn't you even ask her? The way she reacted you never even brought this up. And you told me you talked to her, so... Just why?"

David looked completely defeated, and Joe wanted to pull him into his arms, but he finally needed to understand what was going on in David. "She would have said no," David said.

"But..." Joe still didn't get it. "You were going to marry her, weren't you?"

David flinched.

"Why did you lie to her?" Joe asked.

David looked up at him, a little frown appearing on his weary face. "I couldn't say no to you," he said.

Joe blinked. "But it was just..."

"Just sex, I know. You were always upfront with me about that," David said. "I didn't expect more. But I couldn't... I know it must seem completely ridiculous and pathetic to you, but—"

"You're _not_ pathetic," Joe interrupted without even knowing what David was going to say.

"Oh, really?" David asked. "It's been almost twenty years, but I never forget that day. I'm sure it's hard to understand for you. I bet that day in Paris was a dime a dozen for you but for me—"

"It wasn't," Joe interrupted him again. "I never forgot it either."

"I didn't just think about it every now and then," David said. "Every guy I met...I compared them to you. Even though I knew it was ridiculous, I never felt that...I never felt as connected with any other guy. So I stuck with women. That made it easier not to think that they weren't you. I'm not saying my marriage failed because of you, and I think if I hadn't met you again, I would have been happy with Jane. I loved her. I really did. But when I came to the set that day and saw you, I just... And you didn't even recognize me." David gave a bitter laugh.

"I'm sorry that I—" Joe began, but David stopped him.

"You don't need to be sorry. It's not your fault that I couldn't get over what should have been a youthful sex adventure. I should have known better than to risk a real chance at happiness for something that never could have become anything substantial," David said.

Joe couldn't stand it anymore. He finally understood David, but David didn't understand him. Joe cupped his face with both hands. "It can," he said.

David looked at him frowning.

"I love you," Joe said again, hoping that David would finally realize that he really meant it.

"You can't," David said. "You love your wife."

"Yes, I do, but she told me to grow up and face the fact that I can't have you both," Joe said.

David's eyes widened. "You _told_ her."

"I told her I was sorry. For breaking her rules. Well, one rule," Joe said.

"Joe, what are you saying?" David asked.

"I'm saying that I know that I can't have you both, and that I don't want to be without you," Joe said.

David only stared at him.

"I'm choosing you," Joe said.

"You love me," David said quietly, as if he'd only now realized it.

"Yes," Joe said, smiling. He leaned closer, but didn't completely close the distance between them. "David?"

"I love you," David said and kissed Joe.

David's arms slid around him, and their mouths opened up, deepening the kiss until it left them breathless.

"You said it was only sex," David said when they came up for air.

"I lied," Joe said. "To you and to myself."

David kissed him again, and Joe returned the kiss, pulling him into his arms and holding him tight.

They were interrupted by a knock on the door. "Joe, David. We're waiting for you. You'll be late on set if you don't hurry."

"We'll be out in a minute," Joe shouted through the door. He turned to David. "We can continue this later," he said with a smile.

David cupped his face, looking at him in wonder. "I've fantasized about this since Paris," he said.

"Would have been easier if you'd left me a number or an address," Joe said.

David dropped his gaze, but Joe put his hand on his face to make him look up again. "Even back then I thought I was just one other guy that you'd fucked while being far away from home."

Joe looked at him. "You were the one other guy I fucked that I couldn't get out of my head." Before David could comment, he added, "Even if the details of his face might have slipped my mind."

"I'll never let that go, you know," David said with a smirk.

"It was the make-up and the hair," Joe said. "How was I supposed to even really see your face?"

David shook his head. "Excuses, excuses. I'll have to be prepared that you'll forget birthdays and anniversaries too. Luckily that's what smart phones are for."

Joe laughed. "In my defense, I never forget what matters." He became more serious. "And I didn't really forget you."

"I'll just have to keep reminding you of me," David said.

"Please do," Joe said.

For the rest of their lives.


End file.
